I feel tonight that God is really watching out for me. First of all, let me start out by saying that talking about God is still fairly foreign to me. It's not something I've done my entire life. I went to church many years as a child, but I don't know that I necessarily believed, and if I did, I don't remember. But I really would like to share some of these thoughts that are otherwise kept private. I always wondered why people so strongly believed in God. There are scientific explainations for so mucb. And it's true, there is. But at the same time, why not? Why not believe that there is purpose in this life? Why not believe that there is someone out there who loves us and wants to be our friend, and counselor and much more? I think the problem that people have had with Christianity is that unfortunately it has become so involved in the political scene. I am not saying that you should be ashamed of your faith or embarrassed, but it is supposed to be a personal and intimate part of your life to have that relationship between you and God. And unfortunately it is has become in the public eye that all "Christian folk" are judgemental gay-hating assholes. But that is not true and that is not the way we should want people to think about us. Love. Unconditional love is what we should be known for. everyone has their sins and none are worse than others. So by me "coming out" about my recent calling, I don't want anybody to think that they are no longer able to come to me with any problems that they have. I'm still me. I still love everyone. And I still have no room to judge you or anybody else because I have done more than my share of "wrong" or "immoral". But anyway, here is my thoughts for tonight. It's been a hard month. This week particularly has been extrememly stressful and exhausting. I've not known what to do. I am stuck. And there is little I can do to control my situation at this time. I promised Matt a few weeks ago that I would start working on my communication skills and start talking to him about my feelings more, just being more open emotionally all together. So tonight I did exactly what he asked, I opened up. I told him exactly how I felt. And he listened, and he gave me the best advice ever. He said "Just take some time to pray and just let it go.". And I realized that he was exactly right. All I can do is give it up to God and be patient (like I was told in my vision the other day) and keep trying. So I started reading my bible tonight. I read a few verses, but this one stood out most. Matthew 11:28-30. It was perfect. It helped. And I feel so much better. And of course I have been praying tonight. Everything will be ok, and I realize God gave me someone special that I can go to when I need that extra support. When I was younger, when I was 13 and at church they talked about what a relationship should have, the foundations that are needed, I never understood, and my whole life up until now I didn't think it was even possible. But now I do see the importance and I feel like I am at the appropriate age to be dating and that I am doing it the way that it was intended to be. I am happy of my past dating life because had I not known how to be wrong I wouldn't understand why this is right. And the thing is, the way that it is going is not the way that I thought I wanted it to, but it is the right way. This is how I feel I should be dating at this time in my life. Anyway, overall, at this current time, I am happy. Now that I have successfully wrote a blog entry and written a paper for class and handed it in, it is after 3 am and I feel I can go to sleep now for a while anyway :-)