Not Myself Lately

So a lot of things have changed. I don't even know where to begin. First thing is first I suppose. Matt and I are no longer seeing eachother. It's over. But we are still friends. It is awkward for me at times, but it's ok. I chopped off all my hair. Seriously. It's a very short a-line. My hair is only about an inch long on the back of my head. I've been working. I started dating the guy who lives next door to me. He's nice and we enjoy spending time together. I feel really awkward with myself lately. I feel hurt, I feel like I trust nobody. I feel sick to my stomach. Sometimes, I even feel dead inside. I had a few one night stands before Josh and I started dating, and as bad as it sounds, it's comfortable. It's always been comfortable. Not worrying about having my heart broken or anybody else's because it's mutual agreeance, both parties getting the only thing they want. I'm an asshole, but it's comfortable, it's safe. I didn't mean to get in a relationship, but it happened, and for the most part, I am happy. It's just different, out of the norm. Out of my comfort zone at the moment. The strange thing is that pretty much everything I want in a partner and relationship is there and being offered to me. I.just feel sick though at the moment. And yes,there is deffinitely more to my reasonings than I can freely write about at the moment. I am doing my best to live as normally as I can. I spend every free moment with Thomas. We go to the park and play outside quite often. Tomorrow I am registering him for preschool in the fall. My nephews are going to start coming over every week. I've been working in my yard, cleaning house, home improvement projects, working on my website,... Anything to keep myself busy and distracted. And then I sleep really hard at night. I don't feel sad constantly, I don't feel depressed much, I am not angry, but I do feel somewhat more reclusive that usual. My Wii broke, so I have not been able to exercise as much. I just feel in a funk. But it will get better soon. Well, time to make some dinner. Peace, love, and all things good. -Emmerica <3